Fifty Ways

This is a list which was given to us by friends. The original applied to people who have lived in various less affluent countries. We amended it a bit to relate to our experiences while living in Mexico for six years.

1. You cannot answer the question, “Where do you live?”
2. The vast majority of your clothes were in style fifty years ago.
3. You speak two languages, but cannot spell in either.
4. You forget common English words.
5. You read National Geographic and recognize someone.
6. You do not know who Pokemon is.
7. You have a time-zone map next to your telephone.
8. You look on all food with suspicion.
9. You consider a city 500 km away to be “very close.”
10. You watch nature documentaries and recognize the local menu favorite.
11. You can cut grass with a machete, but you cannot start a lawn mower.
12. You speak with authority on every mode of transportation.
13. You read the international section of the newspaper before the comics.
14. You marvel that tap water is drinkable.
15. After travelling more than 10 km., you look for a military checkpoint.
16. You make out your grocery list in another language.
17. You sort your friends by continent.
18. You “vacation” in your passport country.
19. You wince when people mispronounce foreign words.
20. Using two languages and charades is a standard means of communication.
21. The majority of your friends do not speak English.
22. Someone mentions the name of a team and you name the sport wrong.
23. You look for mariachis to perform on special days.
24. You never take anything for granted.
25. You watch the news from a foreign country, and you know what the nationals are REALLY saying.
26. You know how to pack – and fast.
27. Fitting fifteen or more people into a car seems normal to you.
28. You refer to gravel roads as highways.
29. You haggle with the checkout clerk for a lower price.
30. You become upset when people do not finish their food, or worse yet, throw it into the trash.
31. A two-hour wait in a line is normal to you.
32. You are sure something is missing if you receive a document in less than a month, four trips, and ten copies – in triplicate.
33. You think nothing of straddling white lines to pass between trucks or buses, with a full 15 cm. clearance.
34. You think that an even haircut is accidental.
35. You forget what the yellow lines on the road mean and become quite indignant when a “ticket” jogs your memory.
36. You cannot hand a policeman a dollar and drive off when he stops you.
37. You feel odd at being in the ethnic majority.
38. You feel the need to go to a Mexican restaurant just to listen to the conversation.
39. You have to have five hot sauces on your food.
40. You marvel when people are “on-time” because “on-time” to you means anything within a two-hour range – in either direction.
41. You marvel that gas stations have toilet seats AND toilet paper.
42. Walking in the street, rather than on the sidewalk, seems normal to you.
43. You cannot grasp the fact that you can buy almost everything in one store.
44. You have a name in at least two languages, and they are not the same.
45. You miss the sub-titles when you see a movie.
46. In stores, you feel overwhelmed when faced with choices.
47. You realize you have lived too long in a place when YOU start staring at the tourists.
48. You think a “foreign” school teaches English.
49. You refuse to believe that the food is fresh if you have not seen it killed or dug up before your eyes.
50. You try to enter a military base by showing only your passport.